When my sister passed away, leaving two children behind (the youngest was seven years old), I stepped in as a provider. This was more than 10 years ago. My nephew was already in high school.

I had finished my studies and had been fortunate enough to land a job in my chosen career. I worked in media liaison for a political party, before moving into journalism.

My mother took on the role of primary caregiver for my nephew and niece, while I carried the financial burden. My priorities changed overnight.

I was living solely for my family, pushing aside every dream I had for myself.

I was not only responsible for my sister’s children’s financial wellbeing, but my mother’s as well. I would send her a monthly allowance for the upkeep.

Although I had dreams of living abroad since high school, my sister’s passing put an end to any chance of that.

As the first one to hold a professional job in my family, I carried an extra responsibility of contributing a big chunk of money when there was a ceremony of any kind, including funerals.

It was these perceived responsibilities that hindered my dreams of living abroad. Perceived, because nobody asked me to prioritise them. It’s something you do for family.

In 2013, my friend and I planned to travel to Thailand. We paid a deposit to secure the trip.

While we were in the process of making other payments, a family emergency cropped up. I had to cancel the trip because I needed the money. That made me bury any dream I had of travelling or living abroad.

When I was two years old, I moved from my village to live with my aunt in Gqeberha. Each December we would travel back to my village, Engcobo, to visit my family. That was my introduction to travelling.

In my teens, I moved to Cape Town to live with my mother. The world was bigger than my little village.

My media liaison job took me to nine provinces. I flew for the first time.

When I could afford it, I took holidays around the country.

I travelled to Cologne, Germany for five days for work, before embarking on my entrepreneur journey.

These experiences made me want to go a step further and explore the world beyond our borders.

By the time I realised this, my financial circumstances were not in my favour.

Looking back, I realise I could have lived my dreams while fulfilling my family responsibilities. I think I needed permission to live my dreams. It never came.

If I had a chance, I would tell my younger self, “You are worth every dream you have. Pursue them!”

I learned during the pandemic that my family can survive without my help. They rode through the financial storm.

This made me realise that if I were to move abroad, they would be fine. I am learning that you have to give yourself permission to live your dreams.

I’m grateful for the lessons and the journey I’m on. I have a new drive to go abroad, even on a six-month stint.

I will not rest until I fulfil this dream. I wish I had been brave enough to disappoint my family and choose myself and my dreams.

I no longer carry a financial responsibility towards my family as I do not have a regular job.

This frees me to pursue the dream I postponed. At last, I’ve given myself permission!